Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I'm sitting in the cool quiet of the three season room trying to reflect on my first "rough" day as a mom of 3. In this rough day...Ginny has been absolute perfection, great naps, great feedings, and lots of smiles! Funny thing to me is that the rough part of it had nothing to do with having 3 kids...and really has brought me to reflect mostly on myself.
I'm struggling...and I'm struggling with my struggle. I have a great husband who I don't always appreciate. He's not perfect, but he tries...he really tries...like does laundry tries and I still find fault in it. I have 3 amazing kids who are just that...kids, and they're adjusting. They may not know they're still adjusting to life with a new baby, but I know it...so why do I lose my patience with them?
We're struggling with attitudes and tantrums. We're struggling with teaching the "big" kids to love each other as much as they love their new baby. To have patience and kind words to each other. In the moment when I can't take it anymore and I lay into Lucy about her bad attitude...there it is...the mirror...the awful and wonderful part about being a parent. The fact that the flaw in my child that is driving me crazy is actually a reflection of myself.
How can Lucy use calm, kind words when she finds her brother "annoying" when I am struggling with the same thing now. How can I expect Murray to not think "the sky is falling" when things don't go right...when I am almost brought to tears at having a basket of laundry to fold first thing in the morning.
I know that they take these attitudes to extreme, that they have less control and are more frequent in their display of them...but the mirror is there none the less and it does not lie. It only makes it harder...now I know the only way to correct the behavior is to correct it myself and then slowly and patiently correct it in them.
Time for prayer...time for patience...time for quiet in myself. I can't do this alone. These children are not mine. They are a gift given to me only for awhile. I must rely on my own Father to give me the strength and the guidance to raise these children to be fruitful...to have
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control
in all that they do. If only I could model that for them daily.