Tuesday, May 12, 2015

God is Always Near

So, I haven't written in awhile. Here's the synopsis; we drove 4 kids in a minivan across the country to a house we purchased before I'd ever seen it and I've been settling kids and life in this new amazing corner of God's creation. 

Here's what I've learned. God is always near. In the fast and furious moments where you can't sit still, in the quiet moments where you question if you made the right decisions and in the perfect moments of happiness...
God is always near. 

Our new neck of the woods includes a commute to the kids' school each day. In Michigan we either homeschooled or the kids attended school up the street. Our commute involved walking up the block with a pause only at the praying tree if we hadn't already prayed at home to start the day. (Or a hop over the fence and a mad dash through the playground field if it was a running late day). 

Here, it's almost 18 minutes of driving. We leave our neighborhood, drive along the outskirt of our town and then head through some farmlands, up a twisty forested hill, and then up and down the rolling hills of a vineyard. It is gorgeous. Each morning the kids and I take in the beautiful painting that God has created, unique to each day. When I first made the drive I was always clenched and nervous, unsure on the twisty, hilly roads; they were so different than anything I'd ever driven in my own midwestern existence. Now, I look forward to the drive each day and find it relaxing!

There is a point in the drive when we get to the top of the curvy hill through the forest and we emerge to this long rolling straightway. In a split second we glance and we know if it's a mountain day or not. Some days we have an amazing clear view of the rolling hills, the patchwork of farms along the country side with both Mount Hood straight ahead and Mount Saint Helen off to the left. Some days it's a one mountain day, some days we can't see them at all. One of our favorites in the morning is a ghost mountain as we call it, where there is a haze in the distance and it looks like the mountains could be a ghost or something out of a scary movie. We love to take in what God has given us. 

As I've made this drive over the past few months I can't help but reflect on how this drive is a lot how the past few years have been for me. Ups and downs, twists and turns and not always knowing what will come next. In the winter here, we have fog...lots and lots of fog. There are times when you can barely see off the side of the road or what is ahead of you, you can't see the orchards or vineyards as you go up and down the rolling hills, you can barely see that there are trees in the forested section of the drive. And it is hard to imagine that the mountains are even in the distance. But they are! Even when we can't see them, the mountains are still there, still great and mighty and covered and snow. Often the fog of the morning burns off to a beautiful afternoon, so the trip that I took to take the kids to school is completely different than the one I take to pick them up. 

Isn't this so similar to our lives? Even a familiar path, in my case having another baby or moving for a new job, something you've "driven" before, seems so unfamiliar if you can't quite see the full picture God has painted for you. If you can't see the rolling hills, the vineyards, the farms and the magnificent mountains the road you're on may seem dark, twisty and a little unnerving. But, God is always near. He promises that He will never leave nor forsake you! One of my favorite verses in Isaiah tells us that when we walk with the Lord, whether we look to the right or the left He will be there saying "this is the way, walk in it". So, if you wait, just a little longer, you can get to the top of the hill on a bright sunny day and see not only what's right in front of you, but the magnificent mountains He's been waiting to reveal! 

I love this. Each and everyday I am reminded of God's steadfast and enduring love for me. I think of all the people who have lived before me in awe of the same mountains I am blessed by as part of the landscape of my life. It reminds me that some of my biggest blessings were things I didn't see coming, a fourth child, a move to Oregon....a trip to see a dear friend. 

Even when the road seems foggy and unclear, God is always near, and if we just keep driving He will reveal Himself in His time. So, this is me, being transparent and saying it's time to start revealing our daily blessings here in Oregon. So hold me accountable, help me to share my heart even though sometimes it's hard to be willing to share the foggy moments when God hasn't revealed that beautiful picture to me yet. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

This Little House

I remember walking into this house for the first time. I can't remember what number house it was, but I looked at on my birthday 7 years ago...in the midst of a day where I looked at over 13 houses without Nick. The realtor and I driving around a town that was foreign to me, looking for a house to make our first home.

We had lived in 3 apartments in our short time of being married and each had had positives and negatives, but this was going to be home. A place to paint, to decorate a nursery, to build a life in.

I remember walking through and knowing without a doubt that this was it. This was where our family would grow. I imagined kids growing up here, the space was perfect for kids to grow in.

Here we are 7 years later. We will move out 7 years after we closed on the house, just shy of 7 years from when we moved in. We did what we hoped, putting paint on almost every wall (only the half bath downstairs remains the same color as when we moved in). We decorated a nursery for Lucy, then for Murray, added a color to the girls room for Ginny and brought Wiley home here as well.

These walls have heard laughter and tears. We've had amazing gatherings of family, friends and youth. This house and yard have been such a gift to share with all those we love.

The location has been ideal. Close to church, walking to school once the kids were enrolled, a sledding hill down the street, parks, the pool and the library all within biking distance.

This place has been home.

It's surrounded by love. The best neighbors we could ever hope for. The type of neighbors you borrow, sugar and eggs from as well as many other random forgotten ingredients, gardening tools, other tools, their expertise and wisdom and most importantly their company, a listening ear and love. I will miss my neighbors more than words can express. They've helped me bandage wounds, driven me to the ER with a bleeding child in my lap, come to my rescue on countless occasions and been the people I've shared in daily life with.

I have spent the last 7 years of my life growing babies and nursing them. This phase of my life has been incredibly home based, focusing on my role as a wife and a mother. I've spent countless hours in this home growing babies and rocking babies. This home has certainly seen me at the greatest moments of my life and a few of the hardest. We've brought babies home here and had the heartache of never meeting a baby lost. I've seen each room of this house at every hour of the day. Walking the rooms with a restless baby or while laboring. I can close my eyes and picture the kids' rooms in moonlight, the warmth of a summer breeze coming through an open window and a newborn baby in my arms. I can picture my "big" kids asleep in their beds as I tuck them in one more time before I head to bed. I walk through the house and remember who bled where, who puked, the messes that were made, the projects created, the block towers built, the make believe worlds that were created and the cars raced across the floor and the imaginary battles fought.

As we leave this home after 7 years, Nick and I will be celebrating a decade of marriage. I feel like he and I have "grown up" here. Grown in our love and understanding of each other and of what a marriage is all about. We've learned how to fight here, fight with a purpose to reach a compromise and understanding. We've learned how to love unconditionally, to work towards a common goal and help each other be better and stronger than we could be as individuals.

This house, this home will be hard to leave.

God has a plan, a purpose in all of this. Heaven is our home. I know this. This house is only bricks and wood. Walls that will one day be destroyed. The memories, the love that was made here will carry with me. I have often been reminding Lucy in her tearful goodbyes that the love we have shared with people here has shaped who she is and will stay with her for the rest of her life. I know that is true for myself as well, but it is still tearful. Hard to say goodbye to a place that has been my world for 7 years.

This house has been our first home and I will forever carry it in my heart.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Murray Man is 6

I can't believe it's been 6 years since I became a believer that a girl can fall in love with a boy in an instant. That moment I held you, stared into your eyes and made a final debate about your name. I'm so glad we chose Murray, you're such an amazing Murray Man and it suits you so well.

You're such an amazing little man Murray. You are kind, sensitive and full of life and love. You are all boy, loving anything rough and tumble, competitive in almost everything you do. You love your bow and arrow, nerf guns and wrestling and fighting "ninja style". You also can spend hours building with legos, kicking a ball or racing around in the backyard.

I am so proud of who you are growing into. You are considerate of others and are extremely well attuned to others wants and needs. This is evident everyday in the way you play so kindly with Ginny and Wiley and on occasion used against Lucy to "push her buttons" and get her fired up, but usually you get along well with her also.

We celebrated your birthday a few days early while up in Traverse City with a Moomers ice cream cake and great friends around. The Bauer's and the Troxel's. It was fun to share your special day with them since your actual birthday Daddy had to leave for a trip.

We love you Murray Man, I can't believe you're 6! I can't believe what a smart, funny, sensitive, and strong young man you are becoming. I can't wait to see what this next year of life has in store for you. It is a joy to share  life with you and watch you grow.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Wiley-12 Months-1 year Old!

Can it be that it's been 12 months already? A whole year since I woke up knowing you were going to arrive? Then after just a few short hours of labor and 3 quick pushes they placed you on my belly, seeing you on the outside it was love at first sight. I remember such great joy of meeting you, of knowing you, of finally holding you and seeing all the goodness that had grown inside of me. 

Oh Wiley. We love you so much. We call you "smiley Wiley" and you live up to that name each and every day. You are so relaxed and easy going. You appease your siblings and only squawk when they overstep and take things a tad too far. You love to bop around to music, walk and climb most of the time and just be near people and interact with them. 

Lately you like to bend over and "stand" on your head...a few times it's even led to a somersault. Everywhere we go people comment on how easy going you are, how good natured and happy you always seem to be. I just keep saying you're that perfect 4th baby, the baby God knew we needed to complete our family. Love you little man!

You love to read books, love to snuggle, love to pick something up and pretend it's a gun...I know, seems crazy, but you watch your brother do it and you try  your hardest to make noises just like he does. You really try to mimic the way the older kids play and they think that's a blast. 

You love clapping and smiling. Love sunglasses and phones. 

You still have your 4 teeth on top and 4 on bottom with quite a few more sitting just under the gums...I can see patches of white lining your gums waiting to break through. 

You love to eat. You're loving all the summer fruits and berries, really enjoy peas and carrots, but your absolute favorite food is chicken. Yum, you can not get enough. You'll eat spicy things and then rub your tongue and yell until you get a drink. You're very adventurous like that. 

You're growing bigger and stronger. Weighing in at just over 20 lbs. 

I can't believe it's been a year. Happy Birthday little man. We love you always and forever and are so thankful you are ours.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Lucy is 8! Eight is Great!

I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made
Psalm 139:14

That verse dear Lucy girl was on your birth announcement 8 years ago, I will also mention that you were the only child whom I actually mailed birth announcements for...but that's what you get for being the first.!

What a sweet, spunky girl you have grown into. I can never forget the day you made me a mom, how my world changed, how my universe grew and how you opened my eyes to instant, unconditional love, constant worry about someone elses' needs over my own, and indescribable joy. 

I look at who you've grown into and it amazes me. You are compassionate for other people, you're passionate, you're emotional, intense and incredibly creative. You continue to amaze me with how you see the world and insights you share. 

This year you are taking art classes, swimming lessons and piano. You work hard at all of them and each of your teacher's has great things to say about you. You've blossomed in second grade and are becoming a true leader. 

At home you love your siblings. You are sweet and playful with Wiley, goofy and playful with Ginny and a great companion for Murray...when you aren't arguing the way brothers and sisters do. 

Recently you were in the talent show at school and we were all incredibly proud of you. Proud not only of your talent of piano playing, but of your strength and confidence to go on the stage alone and play. 

You are strong, you are gentle. You are wild and quiet. You are spunky, you are sweet. 

You are growing into a young lady. Your lifetime of 8 years is amazing to me. It seems like just yesterday I held you in my arms in amazement of the tiny person you were. Today you growing too big for my lap. Your giggle brings me joy and I truly enjoy your company and sharing in life with you. 

I am so thankful the Lord chose you for our family and I am excited to see what HE has planned for your days ahead.

I love you Lucy girl, my first, sweet baby girl. 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Wiley-10 months old!

10 months old! Wow! Even though I didn't let you turn 9 months old (there was no 30th last month, so I forbid it),  you just kept growing, so I agreed that today you could turn 10 months old. I mean, it would be odd to celebrate your first birthday in June and since you insist on growing, I guess i can't fight it...

So, 10 months old. I have pictures to post from previous months, really I do! You my dear child are such a joy these days. You are into everything, into cabinets, drawers, stairs, standing at the window, lifting the toilet seat multiple times a day (potty training Ginny has been a whole new experience with you around...I'm pretty sure my boxing out is NBA worthy...or at least March Madness worthy).

You still only have 8 teeth...ha! only! They are bigger and sharper and you use them so well, you use them while nursing, on my shoulder, on my legs, on the high chair, oh and for food as well...

You are crawling EVERYWHERE! You're fast too! You are standing. The big kids all clap for you and get so excited when you stand on your own. You're close to taking steps...Daddy and I call it falling with style. You just can't get the balance and speed thing under control yet, but soon you'll be cruising. You're already cruising around furniture and one of your favorite places is at the front window looking out at the sky and playing with the dollhouse. I can't wait until the leaves are on the trees and you get to see something bright and beautiful out the window and experience warmth outside! It's been an incredibly cold winter. 

Your smile is amazing. Your eyes light up when you see any of us and it is such a joy. 

Your personality is complex. You have a quietness about you, but you are also fierce and incredibly stubborn. We certainly know what you want. 

This month has brought on your first double ear infection :( But you've handled it like a champ. You also have graduated to only wearing your helmet at night and we love seeing your hair again! Soon we'll check on your kidneys and we continue to pray for them to grow healthy and strong. 

Your siblings adorn you with love. They are so good at playing with you, making you laugh and engaging you in different types of play. You have almost given up on the baby toys, trading them in for super heroes and doll house characters (including Mickey and princesses). 

You're eating great! We've traded in most of the baby food for finger food, although we try to get some baby food in to pack in the calories so you sleep better (I'm starting to notice a difference with that!). You are a super fast nurser these days, not wanting to miss the world around you, but still snuggle in when you're tired and ready to sleep. 

I am SO enjoying watching you grow. I think back to the itty baby you were not too long ago and I am amazed to see that baby melting away and a toddler slowly appearing in front of me. I say slowly, but it is in reality happening way too fast. 

Slow down sweet boy. Let me enjoy a few more months of snuggles before you get too fast for me. I love you little man and can't wait to see what adventures this month will bring us!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

What I love about my littles


Chubby little hands that grab my fingers while he nurses and my pant legs while he struggles to stand on his own. 

Smiles from across the room and his eyes that light up as he crawls toward me. 

The look of mystery on his face as he puts something in his mouth to discover if it's delicious or what it feels like. 

That little toothy grin.

His hair. Oh his hair. Taking the helmet off and seeing his hair. 

Little toes, chubby thighs and rosy cheeks. 

Raspberries for kisses. 

The way he eats, the way he thinks about it, chews it and decides if it's good or not.

Reading books and tasting them.

Standing at the window, barely peeking out and staring into the sky.

Headbutts for love.

Now onto Ginny:

Her slimy, sweet and affectionate kisses on my cheek or as she grabs my face and kisses my lips. 

Her laugh, that infectious laugh. 

Her stories, her explanations of the world around her. 

Her singing and dancing. 

Her need for dresses, to be in something sparkly and beautiful. 

Her love for praying and her siblings. 

Her desire to do whatever I am doing.

Being close to me, wanting to mimic my every move. 

Her joy in the little things of everyday.

Her emotions when something doesn't go her way. 

This is my list. My list of things that I will miss when my littles grow beyond today. Because I see it slipping away, but in my state of exhaustion I sometimes let myself get caught up in the hard stuff, the tantrums, the teething, the runny noses and the "I DO ITs!" of the day, and I'm afraid I'll miss these last moments I have with these littles. Soon enough they'll be as big as my bigs and I'll be sending them to school and I will love the new adventure, but I will miss these moments of cuddling and growing every moment together. 

So, today, on a hard day I am writing a quick list in a brief moment of quiet, of the things that I LOVE about the right now. About the hard day at home, so I remember to cherish it, to take it all in, before they move on to whatever comes next!