Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I'm in need of some perspective this week. I'm feeling overwhelmed with life, and while I know I have it pretty great, it's hard to put it in perspective. It's hard to think that I'm blessed to have this baby growing inside of me, when each day I'm counting the calories I'm able to keep down, watching my weight to make sure it's maintained...it's not even going up, just staying the same.
It's hard to look around at all the things I desire to do and stand up to do a few of them, only to reach exhaustion and nausea within a few minutes. It's hard to imagine this could be the new norm, that somehow amidst these feelings I need to be a better disciplinarian, a better wife, and a better housekeeper. I try to think of how great I'll feel when either this morning sickness leaves or the baby arrives. I think new baby exhaustion would be a welcome relief to the flu like feelings I'm having these days.
Here's where I need the perspective. I need help remembering that this is a blessing. That some way I need to find comfort in my sickness, to know that while I'm barely maintaining my weight, I'm not losing...my baby is getting the calories and nutrients it needs to grow stronger each day. I need to focus on serving the Lord with gladness even on days when I feel there is nothing to be glad about.
I hope I start feeling better soon. I want to be up to taking pictures of the kids and posting them, of playing and doing projects with the kids without it resulting in exhaustion and puking. Maybe one day I'll even be able to do a full grocery run and shop for an hour and not puke at the end of it....I just need to put it all in perspective...