Thursday, October 11, 2012

Trying to Get Back

I haven't written in quite some time. I could say it's been because life has been super busy (it has). I could say it's because I have 3 kids demanding my attention and by the time I get them all in bed for the night I struggle to complete thoughts (this is true). I could say it's because I keep starting ideas to write about and then struggle to follow them through to the end (oh wait...that's sort of what I just said). I could say it's because I've been struggling with life in general these days, homeschooling, getting my husband through his final masters class and raising my kiddos while keeping up with a house and all it entails have just seemed overwhelming (it is!).

All of these things are true. 

We just spent 3 days on Mackinac Island for a Pastor's conference. I'd like to tell you how beautiful the scenery was, how refreshing it was to get away and how I'm rejuvenated for life again, but really while we had a wonderful time; it was exhausting! I fell asleep by 9 most nights and missed out on lots of the socializing because I was doing fun things with my kiddos. I LOVE them! I love the fun things we did and I am SO incredibly thankful a friend also brought her kids so I had a companion through it all, but it was not refreshing. The scenery was beautiful and it was COLD!

I am thankful we went. I am thankful for the times in the car when Nick was taking a break from his final project and conversation happened. I'm thankful for the music we listened to and the family time we had. I'm especially thankful for the friends I did see and get to connect with in person. 

I came home realizing while I'm still exhausted and overwhelmed as Nick makes this final push to finish his class and we regain a piece of him we've been missing for the last 8 weeks, it's time for me. 

I'm not one to say that. I love giving myself to my family. I would rather do something fun with them than by myself any day, but as I've struggled through the past few weeks I've realized that I've lost something. I've given up a chance to be creative, to think the thoughts that are in my head and to just stop and listen to where the Lord wants me to go. 

Decisions I had made with conviction are now being second guessed, ideas that once helped define who I was as a wife, mother and woman have been left by the wayside and it's time to get those creative juices flowing. 

So...I apologize if the next few blog posts are incomplete or make little sense, but I'm going to hit post before I can second guess them. I'm going to shut the door to the extra bedroom on Saturday while Nick and the kids rescue princess Zelda and I'm going to create a princess tooth pillow, a pirate tooth pillow and a muffin costume. 

Then...Saturday Night I will go out alone with my hubby and have a complete thought and slowly I'm hoping to regain some pep in my step and stay up past 9 pm. 

...and then we'll wean the baby...

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